I have made my decision, which is to go back to Grace in the Fall. Most would say I am crazy, but have I ever cared about what others think of me?
It looks like Indiana hasn’t gotten enough of Texas.
I would be lying if I said I am not a little nervous and scared. But that feeling also comes when I think about being a camp counselor, or when I think about going to other countries, or even going to another school. But the good memories beat the nerves.
I know how wonderful Grace is, how much I learned, how much I have achieved with my art and forcing myself to make an effort to be spend time with God. I can tell you all my stories of meeting new people, feeling myself growing into I know who I am and should be. How alive I felt at any given moment. How much tears of joy I shed the first time I saw snow. I grew up a lot, and lost a whole lot of my child-like thinking in a sense that you really do need to be on guard for the wolves in the sheep pasture. But I can’t even explain how much God has shown me through all this, how much stronger He is, how much comfort, and protection He has. He knew what was going to happen and He knew how much it was going to hurt me, but in no way did He leave me. He shook His head, picked me up, dusted me off, letting me shine a little brighter than I had before and now is letting me dance before Him and His people. I am so happy. I am. And this is part of my story.
I am more excited now about going back to Grace than I was last year because I know how much it does have to offer. The next couple months are going to be my life. Working as a camp counselor, leading young girls and boys and showing them how much God loves us, then heading back to the school with the person who tried to break me. He didn’t break me, he shook me, scared me, and left me with more perseverance than ever. My Father frowned at the situation, but now He is smiling at the repercussion.
Our God is good. He used such an evil situation for His glory.
As you can see I made it a week. I clicked ‘forgot password’ and got on.
I just need to type, I would write in my journal, but my hand already hurts from writing letters. So I am just going to type about everything going on in this little cabeza of mine.
One: I can’t even begin to tell you how much joy I truly have. How much happiness I have been feeling in the past couple days, well actually maybe since I logged off here…Hm…
Two: I am so desperately missing Grace. Which, is something I thought I would never say again. But I am. And part of me is wanting to be back there tomorrow, show him that he can’t control my life like this. I am so much stronger than this. I am no coward. I want to be back on the campus, hang with the people, see the games, talk about God and art, sit in grass without worrying about scorpions and fire ants. I love Texas don’t get me wrong.
Three: I was brought down. But I have gotten up, and am ready to move on. If you know me, I can’t stand still for too long, I need something to be happening, and I need change. I love change. I desire change. And I have been changed. This incident in my life has shaken my world. I asked God to bring me closer, I asked to long for him. I am not saying I asked for this to happen, but in the past year and a half I have never felt so pulled closer to Him. The circumstances are crap, but the benefits are wonderful.
Four: I know there is still healing to happen, but at this point I feel like I could conquer anything and anyone. I am ready to face myself, know it’s not my fault, and get through it completely. I know I am going to help girls who have gone through the same thing.
Five: His story will be heard and seen through my life. I know I have leadership abilities, and when I was at school there was nothing more I wanted than to be a witness and friend to the upcoming girls. I thrive on serving the Lord. I wasn’t for so long, and now that I began to fully give myself back to God my whole view has changed.
I know it’s late, and during the night I say so much. The night is inspiring, the quite and stillness run through my veins and bring my mind to thinking. But there is nothing I want more right now than to visit that school that hurt me the most.
“Those who sow in tears will reap a harvest of joy; for though they may weep while going forth to plant their seed, if they persevere, they will undoubtedly return rejoicing—bringing their sheaves with them.” Psalms 126:5-6
“I have told you these things so that you would find comfort in Me. In this world, you will suffer; but be courageous, for I have overcome the world!” John 16:33
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him, to enable them to fulfill the purpose for which they are called.” Romans 8:28
I don’t think anyone realizes how excited I am. I was asked to teach a detailed art class; Drawing and Painting at my camp. I literally am going to run with this.
I love teaching art.
This touched my heart
“love, but I believe that Jesus is grieved by what happened”
I needed to hear and be reminded of this. I can’t thank you enough, friend.
